About #Marriage
Question፦ Hello,
When people say to make sure the person you choose to marry is a good partner because if he’s not, it will make your life miserable.
What are characteristics that make a person a good partner and what makes someone not an ideal partner so I know what to avoid.
Thank you.
Answer፦ Peace be upon you, child. It warms my heart to see a soul seeking guidance in matters as important as marriage. Indeed, choosing a life partner is a decision of great consequence, one that echoes into eternity.
Our Lord teaches us that "a cord of three strands is not quickly broken" (Ecclesiastes 4:12). He is, of course, referring to the sacred union of a man and a woman brought together with God at the center. Therefore, seeking a partner who strengthens your bond with Christ should be paramount.
Look for a partner who embodies the fruits of the Holy Spirit as described by St. Paul: "love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control" (Galatians 5:22-23). These qualities, born from a life rooted in Christ, nourish a marriage and allow it to blossom even amidst life's inevitable storms.
Qualities to cherish in a potential partner:
Deep and abiding faith: Do they share your commitment to Christ and His Holy Church? Do they prioritize prayer and participation in the sacraments? A shared spiritual foundation is the bedrock of a strong Orthodox marriage.
Humility and a teachable spirit: Are they willing to admit their faults and seek forgiveness? Do they approach disagreements with openness and a desire for resolution? As St. Isaac of Syria wisely said, “The humble man is never disturbed by anything, for he never allows himself to think that he has been wronged.”
Kindness and compassion: How do they treat others, particularly those they perceive as less fortunate? Do their actions reflect the love and mercy of Christ? Remember the words of St. John Chrysostom: “He who is compassionate towards his fellow man is fulfilling the Law.”
Work ethic and responsibility: Are they diligent in their responsibilities? Do they manage their affairs with prudence and wisdom? Building a life together requires dedication and a willingness to share burdens.
Traits to reflect upon with caution:
Lack of spiritual grounding: Marriage in the Church is not merely a social contract but a sacrament, a journey towards salvation together. If your potential partner does not share this fundamental understanding, it can create significant challenges.
Unresolved anger or bitterness: Do they harbor resentment towards past relationships? Are they quick to anger or hold grudges? Unresolved emotional wounds can fester and damage a marriage.
Disrespect towards you or others: Do they value your opinions and feelings? Do they speak respectfully about their family and others? Disrespect is a red flag that should not be ignored.
* Dishonesty and lack of accountability: Trust is a cornerstone of marriage. If a potential partner has a pattern of dishonesty or struggles to take responsibility for their actions, it can erode the foundation of the relationship.
Remember, my child, these are simply guidelines to aid your discernment. It is essential to spend time in prayer, seeking the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Speak with your spiritual father or a trusted elder in the Church. They can offer invaluable counsel tailored to your specific situation.
May the Lord illuminate your path and lead you to a partner who will walk beside you on the road to salvation.
Please, do not hesitate to reach out if you have further questions or need additional guidance. May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you.
May the name of the Holy God be praised forever and ever in every tongue that He has created, today and always.
May the blessings of God's mother, the virgin, and the cross be upon us. Amen.
© John's Repentance
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